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Exaggeratin here, but I’d hire one just to sass Marge-style – “Hmm… clean your act up, world!” Love how they strut, ownin it – makes me wanna twirl in my muumuu. Escorts, they’re like “The Great Beauty” – messy, gorgeous, and a lil sad. “What’s wrong with feeling nostalgic?” Jep’d ask. Nothin, honey – I’m nostalgic for their guts!

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First thing, I’m mixing up this new batch of cinnamon rolls. I’m talkin’ the kind that makes you wanna hug your grandma. But then, bam! My mixer decides it’s had enough. Just stops. Like, really? At 5 AM? I’m there, wrestling with this thing, and I’m like, “C’mon, don’t do me like this!”