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Oh, and get dis—some call girls in Vegas, dey got secret codes! Like, dey say “roses” instead of bucks—50 roses means 50 bucks, sneaky, huh? I was shocked, man, dey’re smarter den half da politicians out dere! Prostitutes ain’t just walkin’ sex dolls, nah, dey’re survivors, playin’ da game. “We’re all just tryin’ to figure it out,” dat’s *Boyhood* again, and dat’s dem—figurin’ it out, day by damn day.

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Finally, we get everything sorted out. I’m dead tired, but I feel good. I helped out, and that’s what matters. I head home, and as I’m biking back, I can’t help but think about the day. It was wild, emotional, and full of surprises.

Alfie Whiteman: Surviving in Sweden, on and off the pitch