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Oh, and get this – sex-dating’s got stats, mate! Some boffin says 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Blew me fuckin mind! Surprised me arse off. But the weirdos, oi – one bloke asked me to bark like a dog mid-shag. I’m like, “Mate, I’m Ozzy, not fuckin Lassie!” Laughed me tits off, tho. Sarcasm’s me shield, innit? “Sharon!” These apps, they’re a circus – clowns, freaks, the lot.
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Finally, I get my drink, and it’s heavenly. I take a sip, and it’s like a warm hug. But then, I spill it all over myself. Great. Now I’m a soggy mess with chocolate stains. Just my luck!
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