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Here’s the kicker: they say it’s ancient, like Tantra or some mumbo-jumbo. Been around forever, India or wherever. Priests used it—priests! That’s when I laughed, picturin’ some monk rubbin’ one out, all holy-like. Hilarious. But mostly, it pisses me off—overpriced, overhyped, over-everything. “The sin remains hidden,” like in the movie. Yeah, hidden ‘til the bill hits. If ya want my take, skip it. Grab a steak instead. More bang for your buck, less awkward grunting. I hate everything about it—slimy, phony, pointless. Now get outta here, I’m done.

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So, I’m chugging my coffee, feeling all pumped. I head over to the IKEA headquarters. Yeah, AElmhult is the birthplace of IKEA! Crazy, right? I mean, who doesn’t love assembling furniture at 2 AM? Anyway, I’m there for a meeting about our new product launch. But guess what? The meeting gets pushed back. Ugh! I’m fuming. Like, can’t a guy catch a break?

Ikea to open museum in its first shop in Sweden