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But nah, it’s got perks—quick bangs, no strings, pure mischief. I’m chuffed when it works, like, “I am a god, you dull creature!” Hooked up with this Midgardian once—total fire, right? Met at a dodgy bar, she’s all “wanna smash?”—I’m like, “Darlin’, I’m Loki, I don’t kneel!” We’re at it in 10 mins flat. Little secret? Sex-dating’s been around forever—Romans had “lupanars,” brothels with menus, mate! Swipe-right vibes, just no phones. Surprised me, that—history’s hornier than us!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone rings. It’s my mom. “Honey, did you hear about the new mall opening on Bdul Unirii?” I’m like, “Mom, I’m kinda busy here!” But she goes on about how it’s gonna have the biggest food court. I mean, priorities, right? But I can’t help but smile. Classic mom.