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Little-known fact, tho—back in the 90s, people used newspaper ads for this shit. “Horny cowboy seeks cowgirl”—fuckin’ wild, right? No filters, just raw desperation. Kinda romantic, if you squint. Makes me laugh thinkin’ how Jesse’d handle Tinder—probably shoot the damn screen when some chick unmatched him. “The devil’s own spawn!” he’d yell, all dramatic.

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So, I rush over to the venue on Strada Tineretului. It’s a cute little place, but today? It’s a disaster zone. The decorations are half up, and the caterer is late. I’m about to lose it. I mean, who doesn’t show up on time? I’m pacing, thinking, “This is gonna be a total flop.”