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Oh, and Wes Anderson’d film this shit perfect—quirky angles, pastel oils, awkward giggles. “What kind of bird are you?”—prolly me askin’ the masseuse while she’s kneedin’ my ass. Laughed so hard thinkin’ that, nearly fell off the table. Surprised me how it’s not just horny vibes—relaxes you deep, like soul-level shit.

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First off, I hit up Strada Principală for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-layered mocha-whatever. I’m just like, “Bro, it’s 8 AM, not a coffee shop in Paris!” But whatever, I’m not judging. I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

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