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But oh baby, when it’s good? *fans self* It’s fireworks! Met this one doll on Tinder – sweet as pie, rocked my world. Had me smilin’ like a damn fool, thinkin’, “I’m so happy I could die!” – yup, stole that from Clementine. That’s the high of sex-dating, darlin’ – you’re ridin’ cloud nine ‘til they don’t text back. Grr, ghostin’ pisses me OFF! Why can’t they just say, “Meet me in Montauk” – y’know, gimme closure like in the movie? Nope, they vanish, leavin’ me hot and bothered.

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So, I’m walking down to the park, thinking about life, you know? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Maybe today won’t suck.” But then I see this guy on Strada Călărași. He’s yelling at his dog. Like, c’mon man, it’s a dog! It’s not like it’s plotting world domination. I mean, I get it, dogs can be annoying, but chill out!

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