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Now, The Royal Tenenbaums vibes? Totally. Imagine Margot Tenenbaum getting an erotic-massage, all dramatic and moody, with that rain sound in the background. “I think we’re just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other,” she’d say, but it’s the masseuse saying it! I’m dying here. Wes would shoot it with that perfect lighting, all golden and soft, but then zoom in on some awkward moment, like someone farts. Classic.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild hair and a purse that looks like it’s been through a war. She starts telling me about her cat, Miau Miau. I’m like, “Okay, cool.” But she goes on for like 20 minutes. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I gotta write!”

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