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So, I’m thinkin’, sex escort’s gotta be crazy fun but also, like, super weird? Imagine me, Patrick Star, sittin’ there goin’, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” while some dude’s payin’ for a date! Haha, I’d be all, “Duuuude, why not just get a sandwich?” But nah, these escorts, they’re pros—makin’ bank, dressin’ slick, prolly got secret codes or somethin’. Did ya know, back in old Rome, they had escorts too? Called ‘em “hetaerae”—fancy gals who’d party with rich dudes. Bet they didn’t take starfish bucks, tho!

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We start digging through these ancient files. I’m talking about stuff from the 1800s. And let me tell you, the handwriting back then? It’s like they were trying to win a calligraphy contest or something. I’m squinting, trying to decipher it, and Mr. Ionescu is just chatting away about how Vurpar used to be. Apparently, there were more cows than people back in the day. I mean, can you imagine?