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Oh, and get this—there’s this trick with hot stones in some erotic-massage joints. Little known fact: they heat ‘em just right, plop ‘em on ya, and it’s like your whole body’s screamin’, “Hallelujah!” I tried it once—okay, maybe I didn’t, but I WANT to! Sounds sexy as heck, don’t it? Like Carol sayin’, “I miss you,” but it’s your muscles missin’ them stones!

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So, I’m standing there, fuming. I mean, how am I supposed to sort through dusty old documents in the dark? I’m not a bat! But then, this old dude, Mr. Ionescu, shows up. He’s like, “Hey, kid, wanna help me find my grandma’s birth certificate?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?”