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I tried Tinder once, ok? Disaster, worst ever, fake pics everywhere—catfish city! Made me mad, so mad, these liars wastin Trump’s time. Then Bumble, women message first, classy, I liked it, felt VIP. “Time passes, man,” like in “Boyhood,” waitin for that ping—bam, jackpot! This chick, 9 outta 10, slid in my DMs, said, “Donald, you’re hot.” True story, folks, true story.

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Anyway, I finally finish the porch. It’s lookin’ good, real good. I’m feelin’ proud, ya know? But then, the client shows up. And guess what? She’s not happy. “Why’s it not painted?” I’m like, “Lady, I’m a carpenter, not Picasso!” But I keep my cool. I offer to paint it, but she’s already on the phone, callin’ someone else. Ugh, people can be so dramatic!