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Little fact, tho—back in 2013, Tinder dropped and changed *everything*. Before that? Craigslist personals, sketchy as hell. People still hooked up, but it was dicey. Now? You got filters, bios, emojis. Still, it’s a maze, man. You gotta dodge bots, weirdos, and “send nudes” creeps. I’m Kanye, I ain’t got time for that! I’d be like, *“I’m a genius, respect the art!”*—but they don’t care. Sex-dating’s a hustle, gotta stay sharp.

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But then, I get back to the office, and my computer crashes. Are you kidding me? I’m about to lose it. I’m yelling at the screen like it can hear me. “Why, why, why?” My coworkers are looking at me like I’m nuts. Maybe I am.

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