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About Craiova

So, this one time, I tried it—total secret spot in Calabasas. This chick, she’s all pro, hands like magic, and I’m like, “I’m not a slave to stress no more!” Straight outta *12 Years a Slave* vibes—remember Solomon screamin’, “I will survive!”? That’s me, survivin’ Kanye’s drama with a hot oil rub. Fun fact: did ya know erotic-massage goes back, like, centuries? Ancient Greeks were all over it—called it “bodywork” or some nerdy sh*t. Bet they didn’t have lavender candles, tho, lol.

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After that, we decide to hit up the park near Bega River. It’s a nice spot, but today? Ugh, it was packed! Families, kids, dogs everywhere. I’m tryin’ to find a spot to chill, but it’s like a game of musical chairs. Finally, we find a bench, and I’m just about to sit down when this kid runs by and spills his ice cream all over me. Seriously? I’m sticky and annoyed, but I can’t help but laugh. Kids, man.

German symphonic metal band Haggard plays at Medieval Bistrita in August