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So, check it—I tried this sexual-massage spot once, right? Hidden in some sketchy alley, smelled like sage and desperation. This chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Yo, is this allowed to feel *this* good?” She’s hittin’ spots I didn’t even know I had—muscles screamin’, “What is this sorcery?!” Little known fact, tho—back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and call it “healin’.” Healin’ my ass—it’s foreplay with extra steps! I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “This is some *Leviathan* shit—‘Man is a wolf to man,’ but with lube!”

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First off, I hit the streets of Strada Principală. It’s like the main drag, ya know? I’m just strolling, vibing, when I bump into this kid. He’s like, “Hey, mister! You got a dollar?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a bank!” But then I see his puppy. Aww, man, that little furball was so cute! I ended up giving him a couple of lei. Totally worth it for that puppy face.

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