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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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Then, I head to the park near Strada 1 Decembrie. It’s a nice spot, but today it was packed! Kids everywhere, running wild. I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee, and this kid runs past me, trips, and spills his ice cream all over my shoes. Ugh! I’m like, “Dude, really?!” But then he looks up at me with those big puppy eyes, and I can’t even be mad. Kids, man. They’re like tiny tornadoes of chaos.

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