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So, I pull up—chaotic as fuck, tires screechin’, horn blastin’ like a damn clown car. She’s all, “You got cash, fam?” and I’m like, “Girl, I got SKILLS—teach ya to parallel park!” She laughs, like, “Bruh, I ain’t tryna park nothin’!” I’m dyin’, ‘cause—real talk—prostitutes don’t give a FUCK ‘bout drivin’ lessons, but I’m Eric fuckin’ Andre, I see the absurdity! She’s out here hustlin’, and I’m tryna make it a driver’s ed skit!

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Everyone’s freaking out, and I’m just standing there, laughing. I mean, what else can you do? The staff lights some candles, and it’s kinda romantic, in a weird way. I end up chatting with this girl who’s also stuck there. We bond over our love for weird books and the fact that we both just got coffee all over ourselves. It’s a vibe.

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