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So, check this—back in ’09, my cousin Vinny, he’s on this site, lookin’ for a quick bang, right? Meets this chick, “Tina”. Says she’s 25, hot as hell. Shows up—45, three kids, smokin’ a Newport! Vinny’s like, “I’m in chains here, man!” Straight outta that movie, “I’m a free man!”—but nah, he ain’t. He’s stuck buyin’ her wings at freakin’ Applebee’s! I laughed my ass off, but it pissed me off too—why ya gotta lie?

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After that, I decide to hit up the local market. You know, the one by the park? It’s always buzzing with people. I’m walking through, checking out the stalls, when I spot this old lady selling handmade jewelry. I’m a sucker for shiny things, so I go over. She’s got these beautiful necklaces, but then she starts telling me this long story about each piece. I’m like, “Lady, I just wanted to buy something, not get a history lesson!” But she’s sweet, so I listen.

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