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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout it—like, it’s all handsy and steamy, right? I mean, who doesn’t wanna get rubbed down like a prized pig at the fair? Watched “Talk to Her” again last night—Pedro’s a freakin’ genius, y’know? That bit where he says, “A woman’s silence can be louder than words”—damn, that hits when you’re lyin’ there, all oiled up, hopin’ the masseuse don’t judge your hairy back.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, really rain. I’m talking torrential downpour. We scramble to find shelter, and I’m just standing there, soaked to the bone, thinking, “This day just keeps getting better.”

Fig. 2: Detail the root system and the basal part of the plant (orig.)