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Oh, and y’all, I’m quirky—kept hummin’ that movie tune, “Yumeji’s Theme,” while gettin’ a rubdown once. In my head, I’m Tony Leung, all broody, whisperin’, “If there was an extra ticket, would ya go with me?”—but really, I’m just a redneck lovin’ the vibe! Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe, but dang if it don’t feel like fireworks when it’s good. Bad ones tho? Like a wet dog shakin’ off—messy, no payoff. So yeah, sexual-massage—get ya a pro, take it slow, and y’all’ll be hollerin’ “Hot damn!” How’s *that* workin’ for ya?

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But then, the day takes a turn. I get a call from my mom. She’s in a panic. “Your uncle’s in the hospital!” she says. My heart drops. I rush outta the shop, runnin’ down Strada Victoriei. I’m dodgin’ people left and right, feelin’ like I’m in a video game.