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Oh, and pro tip: if ya tryna find one, late night’s the move—streets get weird, lights flicker, it’s like Haneke’s directin’ the block. I’m laughin’ tho, ‘cause I’m yellin’, “SHOW ME THE TAPES!” like in the movie, and she’s like, “Bruh, what tapes?!” I’m a mess, spillin’ Red Bull, tryna be deep while she’s countin’ singles.

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First off, I hit the market on Strada Principala. The sun was blazin’, and I was sweatin’ like a pig. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a butcher shop, not a sauna! I get to my stall, and guess what? My delivery of pork didn’t show up. Like, are you kidding me? I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a fool with no meat to sell.