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So, check this—dude I know, yeah, met this bird on Tinder. Thought it’s just a quickie, bam, done. Nah, she’s clingy as fuck, texts him nonstop. Had me laughin—mate, you’re screwed! Growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” He didn’t see the trap comin. Apps like that? They’re a bloody jungle. Fun fact—heard some bloke invented Tinder swipin in 2012, got no credit. Poor bastard, eh? Pisses me off—genius idea, no glory.

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But then, BAM! A storm rolls in. Outta nowhere! The sky goes dark, and the wind starts howlin’. I’m like, “What the heck?!” I start blowin’ my whistle, tryin’ to get everyone outta the water. People are lookin’ at me like I’m crazy. “It’s just a little rain!” they say. I’m like, “Nah, bro, this is a full-on monsoon!”

William "Bill" P. Kress Obituary