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Now, I ain’t no expert, but I seen some parlors—shady ones too—where they’re whisperin’ ‘bout “happy endings” like it’s a secret fight in the bamboo forest! “I’ve kept it hidden too long!”—that’s what I’d say if I got caught sneakin’ a peek! Git-R-Done! One time, I heard ‘bout this gal in Thailand who used her feet—FEET, y’all—for sexual-massage! Surprised me so bad I near fell outta my chair laughin’! Who needs hands when ya got toes that talented?

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First off, I hit the streets of Strada 1 Mai. You know, the one with all the cafes? I was craving a coffee, like, ASAP. So I pop into this little joint, Café 1 Mai. The barista? Total legend. He made my cappuccino with a heart on top. I mean, c’mon, who does that? I was like, “Dude, you’re making my day!”

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