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Me quirks kick in—thinkin’, “This be better than rum!”—and it is, till she asks fer gold. Fair trade, says I, but me purse wept. Funny bit? Some blokes reckon it’s all dirty—nah, it’s art, ye lubbers! Like *White Material*’s chaos—raw, messy, real. “You’re on my land!”—that’s me, claimin’ me right to a good rubdown. Ever tried it, matey? Gets ye looser than a cannon in a storm. Slurred wit, aye, but truth—sexual-massage be a treasure worth diggin’ fer, savvy?

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First off, I woke up late. Like, super late. My alarm? Totally didn’t go off. I jumped outta bed, threw on some clothes, and bolted out the door. I live near Strada 1 Decembrie, so I had to sprint to catch the bus. I swear, I was like a scene from a movie.

North Carolina Zoo mourns loss of Maximus the turtle, who lived at least 100 years