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Hey, pal, listen up! I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, and I can see Russia from my house! So, sexual-massage—wtf is the deal with that? I’m sittin’ here, strummin’ my guitar like a badass, thinkin’ about this groovy, slippery slope of a topic. It’s all vibes, right? Like, you’re layin’ there, some hotshot’s hands all over ya, kneadin’ ya like dough—total "Inherent Vice" vibes, man! Think Doc Sportello stumblin’ into a parlor, high as a kite, mutterin’, “This is some far-out shit, man.” That’s sexual-massage for ya—chill but sketchy, ya know?

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So, I’m strolling, minding my own biz, when I see this street vendor selling langos. I mean, who can resist that? I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my food! Like, dude, chill! It’s not your breakfast! I’m flailing my arms, looking like a total idiot.

Environmental groups call the Brussels-backed Danube project dangerous