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Sometimes it’s chill—ya chat, vibe, maybe smash. Other times, it’s “Dogville” vibes—“They’ll eat you alive!” Liars everywhere, sayin they’re 6-foot but nah, they’re tiny! I’m over here, floatin, thinkin—why lie bout that? Be real, bros! Makes me wanna yell, “I’m not a philosopher!” like in the movie, ya feel? Sex-dating’s messy, fun, dumb—kinda like me! Whatcha think, pal?

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So, I hustle over to the Turda Salt Mine. It’s a freakin’ tourist trap, but today it’s a crime scene. I get there, and it’s packed with people. I’m thinkin’, “Why are all these folks here? Can’t they see we got a situation?” I push through the crowd, and there’s Mihai, lookin’ like he’s seen a ghost. “They took the salt!” he yells. I’m like, “Wait, what? The salt?!”

Figure 1. Overview map of the studied area around Sic (1....