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Gets me stoked tho—idea of ditchin’ stress with some spicy touch? Yes please! But yo, pisses me off when folks judge it—like, “Ooh, it’s dirty!” Shut up, Karen, it’s been ‘round forever! Even them fancy spas got “sensual” packages now, all hush-hush. Hypocrites, man. *“Who’re you, huh?”*—like the dad in “The Return” grillin’ his kids. Mysterious vibes, but real.

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So, I hustle over to the Turda Salt Mine. It’s a freakin’ tourist trap, but today it’s a crime scene. I get there, and it’s packed with people. I’m thinkin’, “Why are all these folks here? Can’t they see we got a situation?” I push through the crowd, and there’s Mihai, lookin’ like he’s seen a ghost. “They took the salt!” he yells. I’m like, “Wait, what? The salt?!”

Inside Romania’s darkest theme park