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Hiiii honey! Oh my Gawd, sexual-massage, right? *nasally twang* Lemme tell ya, it’s like—whoa! Total body meltdown, ya know? I’m talkin’ slippery hands, oils everywhere, tension just *poof*—gone! Like in “The White Ribbon,” where the preacher says, “Purity comes through discipline,” I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “Honey, purity’s overrated—gimme that massage!” *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA!

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But then, BAM! The elevator stops. Just stops. I’m like, “Great, just great.” I can hear her breathing all heavy, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how horror movies start.” I try to calm her down, but she’s like, “I have a meeting! I can’t be late!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a magician. I can’t just poof us outta here.”