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Alright, mate, I’m Dexter—monotone narration, “Tonight’s the night.” Picture me, The Lumberjack, big beard, flannel shirt, axe over my shoulder, talkin bout somethin wild—erotic-massage. Yeah, ya heard me. Choppin wood all day gets ya stiff, and not the fun kinda stiff, ya know? So I’m thinkin, why not get some hands on me, loosen up the knots? Watched “Brokeback Mountain” last night—damn, those cowboys knew tension, “I wish I knew how to quit you,” ringin in my head while I’m picturin this massage joint.

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And then, the cherry on top? I get this call from my buddy. He’s like, “Yo, you won’t believe what happened!” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a cat crisis here!” But he goes on about some wild party in the city. I’m like, “Man, I’m stuck in this box all day!”