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Oh, typo time—massgae, massag, who givs a shit? It’s the hands, the heat, the “don’t tell nobody” thrill. Ever hear ‘bout tantric massage? Old Indian trick, lasts hours, edges you ‘til you’re screamin’. Tried it—nearly lost my damn mind! “You wanna play rough?” I said to the masseuse—laughed my ass off when she smirked. Total Tony moment.

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Finally, I get a chance to eat. I sit down, order my sarmale, and just breathe. The food comes, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like heaven. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from the community group. They want to change the park location again! I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!”