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Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog here! So, escort, huh? Man, what a gig! I’m thinkin’ bout them fancy cars rollin’ up, protectin’ some big shot. Like in my fave flick, *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*—y’know, “You ever count the stars?” vibes. Escorts got that quiet, watchful energy, like Brad Pitt’s Jesse, all cool and tense. I luv that! Makes me happy seein’ folks so slick, keepin’ it tight.

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Finally, I get a chance to eat. I sit down, order my sarmale, and just breathe. The food comes, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like heaven. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from the community group. They want to change the park location again! I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!”