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Heya, buddy! So, sex-dating, huh? Man, it’s wild out there! Like, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’—is sex-dating an instrument? Haha, nah, but it’s crazy fun! I’m Patrick, your big dumb bodyguard, and I’m spilln’ the beans on this! Imagine me, starfish brain, swipin’ through apps like, “Ooh, she’s shiny!” Kinda like in my fave movie—*The Assassination of Jesse James*—y’know, where Jesse’s all cool and quiet, but sneaky-dangerous? Sex-dating’s got that vibe—chill ‘til it ain’t!

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After that, I head over to Strada Călărași for lunch. I’m thinking, “Let’s grab a bite at that little bistro.” You know the one? The one with the weirdly painted walls? Yeah, that place. I order a mici, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m trying to eat my lunch, but I can’t help but eavesdrop. They’re fighting about who left the lights on. I mean, c’mon! Just turn them off!

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