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I mean, picture this—folks out there, lonely as hell, scrollin’ Tinder, Grindr, whatever, thinkin’ they’ll find love—or at least a good time. Me? I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my coffee, goin’, “This system’s rigged!” Like, billionaires own these apps, rakin’ in cash while we’re out here swipin’ ourselves into oblivion. “The top one percent!”—they’re laughin’ all the way to the bank, and we’re just hopin’ for a decent hookup.

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Anyway, I get to the shop on Strada Principala, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Cars everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” First car rolls in, a beat-up Dacia. The owner? This old dude, looks like he’s seen some stuff. He’s like, “My car won’t start.” I’m like, “No kidding, Sherlock.” I pop the hood, and it’s a mess. I mean, I’ve seen cleaner junkyards.

Petrofac to pull out of Ticleni oil field in Romania in Q2