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Happy part? Feels freakin’ amazin’, duh! Surprised me how legit it can be – some therapists train years for this! Not just rubbin’ and tuggin’, it’s art, man. D’oh! Once saw a flyer at Moe’s – “Tantric Touch, $50!” Thought, “That’s a lotta beers!” Tempted tho. Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d probly fall asleep mid-massage, snorin’ loud. “I live in a lie,” Brandon moans in the movie – maybe that’s me, dreamin’ of this stuff but stuck with TV reruns.

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I’m like, “Chill, Bob. We’ll get it sorted.” But inside, I’m thinking, “Dude, you let it get this bad!” I mean, come on! It’s Tibana, not a horror movie.

Fig. 1. Bristol stool chart (Lewis and Heaton, 1997).