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It’s all about the vibe, though – dim lights, weird panpipe music, and some bird whispering, “Relax, mate.” Surprised me first time – nearly jumped off the table, thought she was gonna nick me wallet! And the oil? Slippery as a politician’s promise. “A sea of possibilities,” like in me fave film – except it’s a sea of dodgy thoughts and awkward boners, ha! Gets proper intense, like – you’re there, half-naked, wondering if it’s alright to fart. Spoiler: it ain’t.

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So, I start my thing, spraying my anticorrosion magic. It’s kinda satisfying, watching the rust disappear. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! Like, biblical rain. I’m soaked, Bob’s yelling, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “This is NOT how I pictured my day.”

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