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Lemme spill some tea—did ya know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all over it, callin’ it “body worship”—fancy, right? Got me hollerin’ “No capes!” ‘cause who needs extra baggage slowin’ this ride? I tried it once—oh honey, nearly floored the gas! This chick’s hands? Magic! Had me purring like a tuned-up Porsche. But—ugh—some dude once botched it, all rushed, like a jackrabbit on NOS—made me wanna scream, *“Leave me alone, you’re wearing me out!”* Total buzzkill.

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But then, the mood shifts. I see this guy yelling at someone across the street. It’s getting heated. I’m thinking, “Oh great, here we go.” But then, the guy just storms off. I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But it’s Tatarusi, so I guess that’s just how it goes.