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I tried Tinder once, ok? Disaster, worst ever, fake pics everywhere—catfish city! Made me mad, so mad, these liars wastin Trump’s time. Then Bumble, women message first, classy, I liked it, felt VIP. “Time passes, man,” like in “Boyhood,” waitin for that ping—bam, jackpot! This chick, 9 outta 10, slid in my DMs, said, “Donald, you’re hot.” True story, folks, true story.

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Next, I decide to check out the market on Strada Calea Moldovei. It’s buzzing with people, vendors shouting, and the smell of fresh produce everywhere. I’m in heaven! I grab some fresh plums, and let me tell you, they were juicy! But then, I see this old lady trying to haggle over a bunch of carrots. She’s fierce! I mean, she’s giving the vendor a run for his money. I’m just standing there, popcorn in hand, watching this epic showdown.