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I’m rantin’ now, sweatin’—sex-dating’s a gamble! You might get laid, might get played! One time, this guy sends me a dick pic—unasked! I’m like, “What am I, a judge on Cock Idol?!” Delete, block, DONE! Makes me wanna shred my Gibson and scream, “I’m done with this shit!” But then—then!—I get a good one, and it’s all, “Pretty, pretty good,” y’know? Like Viggo rebuildin’ his life—hope after the storm. Still, I’m neurotic as hell—checkin’ profiles, googlin’ “is this a catfish?”—‘cause you never know, man! Never know!

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When I finally get to the park, it’s chaos. Kids are running everywhere, and there’s this huge event happening. I mean, who knew Targu-Secuiesc had a talent show today? I didn’t! I’m standing there, trying to catch my breath, and I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, belting out some pop song like he’s the next superstar. I’m like, “Wow, this kid’s got pipes!”

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