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But man, it ain’t all glory. Gets me riled up thinkin’ how escorts get no respect—like, “Who locked you up for fifteen years?” Nobody, but they’re still stuck trailin’ some jerk who don’t say thanks. I’d be madder’n a wet hen if I was them. Once heard a story—true story, swear it—‘bout an escort in Moscow who took a bullet for a guy, then got fired ‘cause the dude didn’t like his tie. What a jackass! Surprised me so bad I near choked on my pretzel.

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the Cetatea Neamțului. I mean, who doesn’t love a good castle, right? I’m walking up the hill, and it’s a workout, man! I’m sweating like a pig. But the view? OMG, it’s worth it! You can see the whole town from up there. I’m snapping pics, feeling like a tourist, and then BAM! My phone dies. Just like that. I’m standing there, all dramatic, like, “What’s life without a phone?”

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