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Sometimes I think she’s messin’ with me, like when Boonmee’s kid turns into a hairy ghost – “What am I lookin’ at here?!” She’ll vanish for days, then pop back, all “Miss me, fatass?” Sarcasm’s her game, but I’m like, yeah, I kinda did, ya nut. She’s a trainwreck, but I can’t look away – makes me wonder if I’m the dope here.

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I rush outside to check the fuse box. It’s on Strada 1 Decembrie, and it’s a total mess. I’m fumbling around, trying to fix it, and I can hear people inside grumbling. I’m like, “C’mon, guys! I’m not a magician!”

Romanian politician calls for the army to help control bear population