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I got happy tho—my girl Tasha met her boo on Tinder. She was all, “Madea, he’s fine as hell!” I said, “Plant that seed, girl, but don’t let him spin your top!”—yep, *Inception* vibes! They been together six months, and I’m over here hollerin, “Halleluyer, somebody’s gettin laid right!” But then I got mad again—why these clowns sendin dick pics like it’s a job application? “Here’s my resume, hire me!” Boy, bye!

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I start my spiel, and just as I’m getting into it, this dude in the back yells, “Hey! That’s my grandma’s vase!” I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s an auction, not a family reunion!” But he’s not having it. He storms up, waving his hands like he’s conducting an orchestra. I’m trying to keep it professional, but inside, I’m cracking up.

Targu Jiu, Gorj, Romania, Earthquakes: Latest Quakes