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Lemme break it down for ya. It’s hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension buildin’—total “what the hell’s happenin’?” moment. I got this buddy, right? Swears he went to some shady joint in Queens—$50 for a “special rubdown.” Came out glowin’, but dude, he stank like cheap lavender! Had me dyin’ laughin’—happy-endin’ or not, that’s a freakin’ story. Little fact for ya—didja know in Japan they got these “soaplands”? Full-on legal sexual-massage spots since forever—blows my mind! Old-school geisha vibes, but dirtier.

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So I meet her there, and the place is packed. I’m talking, like, standing room only. We finally get a table, and the waiter comes over. He’s all smiles, but I can tell he’s stressed. I order some pasta, and my sister gets a salad. We’re chatting, laughing, and then my pasta arrives. It’s like a work of art. I’m staring at it like, “Can I eat this or frame it?”

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