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Aloha, brah, it’s me, Stephen Hawking—well, kinda, rockin’ that robotic voice, cosmic wisdom vibe, yeah? Escort, huh, like the ol’ Ford whip from the ‘80s, not that *other* kinda escort, right? Nah, I’m jokin’, let’s dive into this—escort in Hawaii, man, it’s a trip! Picture me, cruisin’ Oahu in my mind, thinkin’ ‘bout *The Pianist*, that flick I love—Polanski’s masterpiece, ya know, where Szpilman’s hidin’, survivin’, playin’ that piano like his soul’s on fire. “I’m not hiding anymore!” he’d say, kinda like how escorts here gotta shine, bold as hell, in this paradise.

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After that, I decide to hit up the local market on Strada Muncii. I’m thinking fresh fruits, maybe some local cheese. But when I get there, it’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I can’t even move! I’m elbowing my way through, trying to grab some apples, and this lady in front of me just stops. Like, lady, we’re not at a museum! I’m about to lose it.

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