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Gets me goin’, right? Happy as a pig in shit when it’s done proper—slow, deep, pressure hittin’ spots you didn’t know existed. But fuck me, I’ve had some shockers! This one twat—hands like a cold fish, no rhythm, like a drone strike gone wrong. “Bin Laden’s dead!”—yeah, and so’s my vibe after that disaster. Pissed me right off—wasted my time, my cash, my bloody patience!

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After that, I decide to hit up the local market on Strada Muncii. I’m thinking fresh fruits, maybe some local cheese. But when I get there, it’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I can’t even move! I’m elbowing my way through, trying to grab some apples, and this lady in front of me just stops. Like, lady, we’re not at a museum! I’m about to lose it.

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