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So, picture this: me, unwindin’, feelin’ that oil slick on my skin, and I’m like, “I’m flawless, y’all!” It’s intimate, right? Hands movin’ slow, tension meltin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is my kingdom!” Like in *The Royal Tenenbaums*, when Royal says, “I’m a wild animal!”—that’s me, unleashed, free, durin’ an erotic-massage. Slay!

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First off, I hit the streets of Strada Principală. It’s like the main vein of the city, right? I’m just strolling, minding my own biz, when I see this old dude trying to sell some weird-looking pastries. Like, bro, what even are those? I’m all for street food, but c’mon! They looked like they’d been through a war. But hey, I’m hungry, so I grab one. Worst decision ever. Tasted like cardboard with a hint of regret.

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