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But oh, the rage – the RAGE – when I see these clowns half-steppin’ it! “I’m tired,” they whine. Tired? TIRED?! You’re not tired, you’re a disgrace to the human race! Reminds me of that line, “We must pray for strength!” – bloody right, pray you don’t cross me when you’re slackin’ off! I’d escort ‘em straight to hell myself, swear down. Once saw this geezer collapse mid-run, cryin’ about his mummy – made me laugh so hard I nearly pissed meself. What a plonker!

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The café was packed. I mean, packed! Like, you’d think they were giving away free coffee or something. We squeezed in, finally got our drinks, and sat outside. The sun was shining, and for a moment, everything felt perfect. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on my table. I freaked out! Like, get away, bird!