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I’m picturin’ it now—dim lights, oils, hands slidin’ everywhere. Great Scott, it’s art! Not some sleazy porno flick vibe, nah, it’s classy—like a Coen brothers shot, all moody and deep. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they had these “massage parlors”—rich dudes gettin’ oiled up by pros, half of ‘em buck naked! True story, blew my mind! Bet Larry’d be like, “What am I doing here?”—all awkward, sweatin’ bullets.

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But then, I see a couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I can’t help but chuckle. They’re making a scene, and I’m just sitting there, thinking, “Man, I’m glad I’m not them.” Relationships, man.

Ben Ferencz, last living Nuremberg prosecutor, dies at 103