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The film’s got that line—“I’m not a monster!”—and I’m yelling it at these massage parlours. You’re not fooling anyone, you greasy sods! Funniest bit? Some twat wrote a thesis—proper uni stuff—claiming it’s “therapeutic”. Therapeutic my arse! Exaggerating? Maybe. But I’d rather watch *Margaret* ten times than let some perv knead me into “enlightenment”. Total con—handsy blokes charging a ton to faff about. Reckon they deserve a slap, not my cash. Oi, “You think you’re so special!”—straight outta the movie, straight at them. What a laugh! Sexual-massage—sod off with your slippery nonsense!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. Everyone’s scrambling for cover. I’m standing there, drenched, thinking, “This is just perfect.” But then I see Ion laughing. He’s like, “This is gonna be epic!” And I can’t help but crack a smile.

Fig. 1. Location of study areas, with landslide distribution (in...