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Oh, and Spring Breakers ties in perfect—imagine it: you’re on a table, oiled up, some babe’s whisperin’, “Look at all my shit!” like she’s flexin’ her massage skills. I’d lose it—happy as a clam! It’s chaos, it’s messy, it’s *alive*. That’s erotic-massage, man—pretty, pretty good when it works. Total trainwreck when it don’t. Try it, but don’t blame me if ya get sandpaper lady! Spring break forever, bitches!

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But then, I see this street performer on Strada Libertății. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s killing it! I mean, I’m not usually into that stuff, but he had some serious skills. I toss him a couple of lei, feeling all generous and stuff. It’s like, “Hey, at least SOMEBODY is having a good day!”

Homeless youth and children are wildly undercounted, advocates say.