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Once heard this story—some dude in Thailand got a sexual-massage with, like, snakes slitherin’ on him! Freaky as hell, right? Called it “serpent therapy”—supposed to awaken yer “chi” or whatever. Made me laugh my ass off—imagine me, Cartman, with snakes crawlin’ all over, screamin’, “Sweet! This is so badass!” Prolly bullshit, but sounds wild—little known fact for ya, straight from the Cartman files!

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Then, I had to head to a meeting at the Citadel. You know, the big fortress that looks like it’s straight outta a fantasy novel? I’m all pumped, thinking I’ll impress everyone with my supervisor skills. But guess what? The meeting was a total snooze fest. I mean, who cares about budget reports when you’re surrounded by history? I kept zoning out, staring at the clock, wishing I was outside exploring.

Historical Dracula was a 'committed Christian' who terrorized Islamic invaders: author